http://leni2263.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] leni2263.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] watertank 2010-03-21 09:22 pm (UTC)

Евгений, по ощущению в третьей строчке-две хозяйки. ритмически третья строка длинновата (при первых двух коротких), "домохозяйки" вываливаются из ритма. да и повтор дома во 2 и 3 строчках. ИМХО конечно:)
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